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[12 Nov 2009|01:37am] |
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mood |
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Journey - "Any Way You Want It" |
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So as I'm sure we're all aware, I'm a total tard.
And when the light of the sun shines upon me, boys flock like moths....it's a strange phenomena.
*Sigh* ahh the chronicle of boys that this journal holds. The glory of youth I suppose, the glory of life even perhaps?
But, enough procrastinating, back to cleaning before the moths arrive.
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| Living in Seattle |
[15 Jul 2009|10:13pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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So time to update :D
It's been awhile since I've just done an update so I figured it was about the time. Tim (Apollo) and I are togetherish in that we have a relationship and go as far as saying we're "in" a relationship, but though I love that boy I just don't get him most of the time. So it goes back and forth in levels of formality but is generally acceptable to reckon at primary levels with the term of boyfriend being available for convenience. I really do love him, but I am so confused by him so often I don't know what to do about it. So I've just taken to not tring to figure out what he really wants and isn't telling me because there's nothing I can really do about it with him so far away and thus I'll just go with what he says he wants and I check in a couple times if I think he's keeping things to himself.
So that said, I've been actually having a very good time. I keep seeming to get couples into bed, which is weird but kinda nice. I'm living in Seattle, well Shoreline, and working in Fremont until mid August. Got a bunch of pretty boys lined up that like me and have been flirting with them. I miss my boy alot though, and I think I only want and need these other boys so much because I'm not getting the physical affection or compliments or ease of communication with my Apollo.
Becoming a Kandi Kid, which has kinda been inevitable for awhile but it's actually been something I've wanted to do since I started so I'm super excited. Rolled a few times recently and even rolled through a rave which was a fucking great experience. My rave family is growing, and I just inherited my friend Huggles's Kandi, so I'm working my way up in the world :D If you're free and would like to go dancing, you should come out to Another Midsummer Night on the 8th, it should be lots of fun ^_^
I should be off to bed, but I hope you are all doing well, take care! XD
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| Tehehehehehehe |
[27 May 2009|03:23am] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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So....long story short......I'm a giddy little school girl and Tim is amazing and I'm not angry at him anymore and he's validated and addressed our issues and......XXXXXDDDDDDDD!!!!!
I'm sure the short story will be long soon, but I felt a brief joy squeal and update was necessary :D
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[05 May 2009|05:51pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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Don't you hate when you have things you really need to talk about to somebody who will really think about the situation rather than just support you blindly or condemn them without thought? I do.
Ahh well, I'm sure things will fizzle and/or explode to sort themselves out...*sigh*
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| Share your stories with me |
[23 Apr 2009|12:29am] |
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mood |
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 smitten |
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music |
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VNV Nation - "Beloved" |
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This is, I've decided, a magickal Spring. It is beautiful outside. Inside, many I know are being filled with the warmth and joy that Nature herself seems to be sharing. I am happier than I have been in many years and with the exception of a few bouts of insecurity and paranoia, have managed to overcome my normal traps and pitfalls because of the aid of the blessings of Spring.
So tell me, my friends out there in Livejournal-Land, how are your Springs going?
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| Long, Convoluted, Fucked-Up. I really, REALLY need help and counsel though if you can. |
[03 Feb 2009|03:05am] |
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mood |
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 battered |
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( I really, really hate Evergreen right now and don't understand how this is happening here of all places )
So I after all of that bullshit I finally had my meeting with the Civil Rights Officer, Nicole Ack (who was a fucking godsend and an amazing person and ally). I explained the situation as best I could, putting in my emotional rationale where I was compromising my thoughts, needs, and emotions for the sake of diplomacy and the process. I also informed her of my history with an abusive alcoholic father and my inability to deal with drunk people that I already don't feel safe around while sober. She listened very intently, asked for alot of clarification, and I even told her that I was attacked for getting things out of order, so if things were slightly out of order then I'm sorry but they happened. She validated my feelings of being harassed, that I wasn't just being a reactionary queer, that it is wrong and if I was a woman and they men this wouldn't be a problem, that the mediation was handled wrong, and that they are not being allies. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her that going into the mediation I wanted it to work out, but now, though it might weaken my stance, I just want them out of Gender Neutral. She validated it as a possibility and a justified desire and went to look into the policy around it for me to see what could be done.
At our follow-up, she had evidently talked with Michael Sledge the guy in charge of the day-to-day everything in Housing but has some weird title; the RD, and an Assistant RD about the mediation, my feelings, and policy. They said that they felt that Elizabeth was sincere in her not intending to attack me in any way, and that she was hurt by my not taking her claim of allyship to be valid. They also told her that Kara was asked to leave during the meeting for laughing hysterically....Kara left in the middle it's true, and I was PISSED at her for it, but she left of her own will because she realized that there was no point in her being there. They also neglected to tell her that Kara was there as the head of the EQA, even if she is my sister. They found that asking the couple to move out would be inappropriate in this situation so I am presented with two choices: Stay, with everyone in the dorm on notice for future violations or harassment or; move to a different dorm.
I then had my meeting with Michael Sledge, the man who was brought in to deal with the problem and the man to talk to about my ritual blade. The meeting lasted about five minutes wherein I was told that since the weapons policy does not say that there is a religious item exception, there is no exception and none can be made. When I brought up other cases like Sieks in heightened airport security allowed to carry peace-bonded daggers since they're religious objects, he told me that airports are public places where that's necessary. It's optional to live in housing, I don't have to. I've been told that there's exceptions for things like Shabbat candles, normally candles are forbidden under policy, so I need to find documentation of this.
So here is my dilema, formalized:
Problems
1. Am I being reactionary and just looking for a cause to champion or is this valid?
2. Is there something I can do about the gross mismanagement of this entire affair if it is valid?
3. What do I do now?
Housing Options
1. Stay in G-208 and face further non-documentable intimidation in the hopes that they screw up and I can kick them out to set precedent for future Gender Neutral.
2. Move into H-307, also in Gender Neutral, and let the situation be swept under the rug
3. Move into Freshman Housing, a more fun environment, but with no kitchen so EXTREMELY more expensive with my developing Hypoglycemia
4. Move into the Glen with Jamie, or possibly elsewhere off-campus
I'm consulting my elders, but I want you, my friends, to advise me too if you can to weigh in what I should do. I have been falling behind in school, destroying things, missing class, I was smoking like a chimney through the major drama (have stopped since, but what knows what will come next?), and have been a depressed-pissed-manic rollercoaster of emotions through all this. It's 4:30 though so I'm done typing....what do you think?
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| Ahh, so brilliant :D |
[05 Jan 2009|06:40am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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NIN - "Head Like A Hole" |
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"The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something we are missing." ~Gamal Abdel Nasser
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| Mmm, that's a good feeling |
[22 Nov 2008|03:07am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Aqua - "Barbie Girl" |
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Looking back on Exes and thinking to oneself, oh dear, what did you do to yourself and what did I see in that!? It's good for the soul I think :D
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| What the fuck!? |
[06 Oct 2008|08:24am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Vicki Sue Robinson - "Turn the Beat Around" |
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I had a very, very strange dream last night:
So the Evergreen Queer Alliance was hosting some workshoppy event thing for mutual masturbation up at the college and for shits and giggles I decided I'd go. In my dream I remember thinking it was really fucking weird but I'd go because I felt so uncomfortable with the idea and I needed to expand my horizons. When we arrived (Kara, me, and extras) Larry was just finishing up a workshop with like a line graph and pie chart so that the excitement could begin. When somebody brought up the fact that there were gay boys and lesbians in the same room and that was weird, an old and slightly angry looking lady (I think she works in the housing office) decided that the lesbians would go to a separate room (she's a straight lady and wanted to watch the gay boys). So then all the lesbians leave and just as all the gay boys are getting settled in from the movement Kara returns from a smoke break with three lesbians and I offer to help them find the room....but I don't know where it is. So we wander all over the CAB and can't find it until we eventually split up and they head to the SEM II while I slowly head back to the boy room. The meet me on the second floor again of the CAB and ask if I found the lesbians, which I hadn't, so they go off to A-Dorm to look. When I get back up, one of my mom's old SCA/Camarilla friends from like when I was eight is there...but I don't remember which just that he was cute and topless with long brown hair....ahh well :P
Well when he finds out that the girls are looking in A-Dorm he rushes off to find them to help get them on track while a bunch of drunk straight girls tried to get inside saying 'we like the boys too, we can be gay for them, we can come in too.' To which the voyeur lady was not down with and was like, "This is for GAY guys, you need to shove the fuck off, go now. Bye." And smiled at me as she let me in...in that 'I'm going to watch your ass as you walk past' sort of way.
Inside though was a dance party with like four or five lesbians, and ten or so coupled up gay boys. GODAMNIT! I missed the dance party and I missed the chance to dance with boys. SHITFUCK! >.< (This, by the way, I figured out was how gay boys masturbate...Dancing). In the corner I noticed my friend Jesse who was crying, so I went over to talk to her and try and console her. Evidently all the lesbians decided they would go up to Seattle and Jesse couldn't come because she didn't have a cellphone. Well she could go, but Jesse herself didn't feel as though she could go if she didn't have a cellphone in case something happened.
Then, some guy and Katrina walk up and start talking about the cute boy in spikes that was all over me and I totally missed it....and the scene changed....(fucking dream ADD) Suddenly I'm with some like 20-something gay guy off-screen but our voices are coming through as the camera pans over a maybe four or five story tenement building, "Trust me, once we meet them you'll feel much better."
Inside the apartment building it jumps to an old Queen (maybe a woman, but if so it's a biomale for comic relief) with a big old blonde curly wig, wrinkles, a blue silk bathrobe, and pink and white lingerie with a huge white vibrator tucked in the back wasteband....when the doorbell rings. So she quickly puts out the cigarette and goes to run for the door when the vibrator vibrates more heavily and she goes 'woo' and nearly falls. She starts screaming for her husband (something like Harold or Gary) to get his ass out of bed and get the door for a couple minutes while we hear overly dramatic and loud snoring coming from the other room. She eventually does that angry bitchy wife yell with his name and then falls back over in to the room. In the next room Gary starts grumbling as he wakes up and the camera arrives just as he's pushing the covers off of him and standing up....He's a fucking mime!
So he jumps up and starts mouthing his grumbles without sound of course and the doorbell rings again. So he gets the mime excited face and begins mime rolling up his sleeves and then playing with his nose like it's a clown nose or something. Then just as my alarm started ringing he suddenly and almost demonicly looks to the left to glare at the clock and tries to grab me before I woke up....Fucking creepy. But so fucking hillarious at the same time.
Fox, what the fuck are you dreaming of? >.
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| Crap. |
[02 Jul 2008|01:01am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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Madonna - "Justify My Love" |
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Oil was found in North Dakota.
Godamnit.
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[08 May 2008|11:29pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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The All-American Rejects - "Night Drive" |
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So presently I have a really strong sense of closure and peace in my heart. I just talked to Kurtis and it wasn't a bad conversation, nor awkward, and I managed to get the last bits of burden off my chest. So that's really nice. I talked with Kevin awhile back and got to unload ALL the burden of him I've carried this whole time, and now don't even have anger for him, it's not something that's part of my life anymore.
I'm reaching a point in my life where everything is coming to a close so that my life may begin anew; and it's liberating, exciting, and terribly scary.
I'm anxious, but I'm welcoming it :)
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[20 Apr 2008|01:13am] |
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mood |
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 crazed |
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So, first off, I'm intoxicated. To which degree I cannot say presently, but it's up there. I hadn't had much to eat in a while before I drank, but I didn't have that much. So somewhere in early drunk stages I suppose...
Buuuuut, I needed to say a few things because they're bothering me.
I've recently developed a libido. I mean when I liked somebody or didn't know somebody sometimes I'd have attraction to them and if I was with somebody I'd be involved if I was attracted; but no sense of wanting or needing any sexual gratification otherwise.
Now, I really need something. It's something that's very new to me and I'm still not sure how to deal with this new development. I've been trying to be forward and upfront with the whole situation, but I feel as though I've already established myself as something other than a person who needs to fuck and more of a person who wants to fuck certain people. So that's weird.
Also I've become really casual with my approach to sex and my body in general. I've become super comfortable with the idea and though it's still nice for it to be important with somebody I like; I don't need that anymore. I'm more than okay with just being naked because I want to be and more than okay with having sex with somebody just to have sex with them.
In fact I'm even looking at some people as good for little else than that.
I want some honest opinions and feedback. I might not change what I'm feeling or doing and I'm not ashamed of it; but I really want to know what your thoughts on the matter are. Especially when dealing with the matter and your perceptions of me.
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| Watch and learn grasshopper |
[14 Apr 2008|06:10pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Rihanna - "Please Don't Stop the Music" |
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You may think you are crafty enough to make me feel bad or make yourself look to be in a better position, but I am the GOD of optimism. And oh ho, I have won already.
Sorry Kurtis; but I always win, remember?
And thank you for joining me in my sense of vindication :)
You may now return to your regularly scheduled LJ
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| you are so awwkwaaard |
[02 Mar 2008|08:29pm] |
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mood |
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exhasperated |
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Tooo meeeee, can't you seeee?
Oh gays. Oh gays.
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[12 Feb 2008|12:11am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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I'm mother fucking flying through the mother fucking clouds and I'm fucking loving it so much. I really do feel good about myself, and who I am. I've got a beautiful, smart, funny boyfriend who adores me. And you know what, I'm actually pretty attractive myself. I'm happy with who I am, with where I am, and with who I'm with. And that's all that matters to me right now.
Yay.
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| I feel the urge |
[11 Feb 2008|09:08pm] |
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mood |
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loved |
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To decorate my laptop alot. Any suggestions for main items? I'll definitely doodle all over it to fill in gaps, but there's got to be a big center piece and I'd love suggestions.
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| En Garde Creatures! |
[06 Feb 2008|12:33am] |
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mood |
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entertained |
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music |
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The Hymn of the Brunangi from Lexx (in my head) |
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So today I went and saw I Am Legend, which was a good movie and I'd recommend watching it. But now, my mind is getting ready for sleep, and to prepare me for that it has begun increasing the vividity of my mental images. I am not afraid of the things in the movie at all, they aren't really zombie things like I was lead to believe, they're more like demon vampire monster things. They're pretty much nonsensical really :P But that being said, my mind makes things far worse than they are.
My mind is giving them form, giving them shape, giving them purpose, giving them history, giving them power. And I know that when I go to sleep, I shall dream of them, and I know I shall vanquish them. But even so I am quite excited for this recent upsurge in creativity. I've been dreaming alot and remembering it all recently, though I usually just resign to telling Kurtis what I dreamt about and calling it good.
It's been awhile since my last round of dream combat, I'm ready and waiting. Ought to go well I think :D. At least they're spirits of my own creation, and I can flex the muscles and blow the dust off the weapons without having to face any real dangers. Yay. ^.^
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That being said, I'm really glad I got to go to Portland with Koe, it reminded me of alot about myself that I shouldn't have to worry about expressing. Yays :D
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| Phi Theta Kappa |
[23 Jan 2008|02:00pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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Christina Milian - "Dip It Low" |
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So, I'm excited, I just got an offer to join an international honors society ^_^
It's an honor society for two-year college students, and due to my academic excellence I have been given an invitation to join. I know it might seem silly, but I'm super excited. I've seen alot of scholarships that are only available to Phi Theta Kappa members and there are more that they offer from their program when you get membership. Membership becomes an item on your transcript, and they write letters of recommendation to prospective schools and employers on your behalf. There's a fee to join, like most of these things, but that alone is the major detterent. It's $60 to join, and I've got to get that before March 1st. I think I'm going to apply for a job at McDonalds or Burger King or something. I mean I don't really want to work at either, but it's money and I'm finding myself really needing that. Ahh well. I'll figure something out if this is worth it, I always do. I just wanted to share my excitement with everyone :D
Yay.
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